So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
