He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
