Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
