Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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