It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
