I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
