At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
