So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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