I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
