the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
