I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
