I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize