And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
