I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
