May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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