I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
