I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
