wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How does it feel to date your dad?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
