My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
