i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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