Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
