I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
