it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
