walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
