I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
