Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize