I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
