is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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