man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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