I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
