i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
