Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize