maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
