My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
