I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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