I need help removing her.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
