i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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