My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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