I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
