i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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