Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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