Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
two words: eviction party
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
