Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
