Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize