You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
