Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sorry about my life...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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