So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
