He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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