I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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