i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
