and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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