I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
