In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
