btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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