If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
