bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize