Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
