I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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