my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize