We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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