Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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