Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
