Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
