My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
