Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
