i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
