1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
