she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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