my sisters under your porch take her home
This house was built for laser tag.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
