420 ftw
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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