Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
