so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
