I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
