how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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