if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
