If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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