worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
