there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
