yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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