My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
