I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
