Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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