and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
