I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
