debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
