he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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