so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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