I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
