I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
