the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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