what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
