Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
