I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
