I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
