shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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