I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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