Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
