omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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