worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
