Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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