she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize