before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
