Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
